Where the Lines Overlap

Sorry for the neglect! Don't mean to play my blog like a dodgy señora plays her host student regarding food. Oh snap!

A couple days before I left for Madrid back in January, I was texting with a friend about it. He asked me, what are you most looking forward to? I believe I said, "feeling different." And then he laughed at me via text because that's such a Samantha thing to say, lol. But he said he understood, because he had moved around a lot growing up, and he could relate to wanting to reinvent yourself in new places. I asked him if it had worked - if he had changed out of pure will to change and the clean slate of a new setting, new strangers? He said he did -- in a way -- but he thought of it more as growing, not abandoning who he was.

I first heard that dicho, "Wherever you go, there you are" from a recovering drug addict who came to speak at my high school. It was in the context of, I wanted really badly to start over and be clean and I thought moving to a new place would work magic, but it wasn't so easy. This theme of *can people change?* has always been something that fascinates me. Like in my favorite TV show, the BRILLIANT-at-times Alias, season one I think, when Sydney and Francie are talking about Francie's EX-boyfriend who was cheating on her (maybe with a guy? it escapes me at the moment), and Syd says to her in earnest, "People change." And then Francie looks her in the eye and says, "No. They don't." !!!!! Que fuerte! By the way, one of the many things I loved about Alias was Syd and Francie's friendship. Besides the whole Sydney lying about her entire life thing.... they were so tight that you got their styles tangled. It was really lovely. Ah, Sydney Bristow. What a hero! Can you believe such people are out there?

But we can talk about that later! Wherever you go, there you are - fact. BUT of COURSE something must be said for this wonder that is TRAVELING. Here. Of COURSE I do feel different. For the first time, nothing really separates us from the adult world; we are right there in it with the rest of this city and it's like going to Disney World for the first time, or at least Universal Studios when E.T. pops his head out of your bicycle basket, looks at you and says, "Goodbye, Jessica" at the end of the ride and you're just like, what a trip this life is! To be in Madrid, to turn 21 here ... you know how Jenny Lewis sings, "and sometimes when you're on, / you're REALLy fucking ON!"? There are just so many of those moments! There are so many just sky high highs. And we can be in our favorite pub talking about how the world is surely ending or losing it over "Teenage Waste Land" at our favorite bar, and it makes no difference. It feels like we're "doing it right" (it = living) and there is really nowhere else in the world we should be. And it's not all about the partying eithz. For whatever reason, I ended up with the best living/homestay situation ever and my señora and I get on like an absolute house on fire! She's wonderful and cool and she treats me like her daughter, but also like an autonomous, capable adult. (And for good reason - surely I could do a lot worse ;) It's humbling and just really NICE. Sincerity cannot be bought.

We talk about what this semester is & what it's supposed to be or whatever - our high expectations for all of this. I think, more than anything, I'm learning to let go and let myself enjoy this. I'm still me, but maybe a better version of me, and I feel as if things are as they should be. Anywhere you go, the lines of people and place and self surely overlap. And that's a good thing.

NO ONE IS AS LUCKY AS US!



p.s. - Stay tuned for a Granada post. That trips earns a post on its own. Also, spring break has officially begun, and travel adventures begin next week! Italy much? Yuh - this is my life right now and we'll be in touch. Don't you dare fret.

xoxo jbahz